Max's Disaster Date
by BubbleWrapAndCupcake
Summary: This is based off of MTV's Disaster Date. Max's friends set her up on the TV show Disaster date.She has no idea What is happening and thinks this is all completely real, while her friends sit in a room and watch her the whole time. You better watch out Max because this will be the worst date of you're life. Terrible summary.
1. Chapter 1

"Please Max!" Nudge my best friend but soon to be enemy said. We were currently in my room siting on my bed. I crossed my arms and shook my head.

"Come on! It's been 6 months since you've been on an actual date! I've even met this guy and he's perfect for you! Come on just this once and I won't make you go shopping with me for a month and won't dress you up either." She pleaded.

Then she brought out the most terrifying thing a person could ever possess. Bambi eyes. I tried to stay strong but it was so hard. In less than two minutes I caved.

Before I go on how about I introduce myself. It all started when I was born in April 15 1994. I was a hard child my mom says. Ha just joking I'm not going that far back. Well my name is Max. Maximum Ride. Gosh damn that sounded like I was James bond.

Anyway I'm 18 years old and am about to start college. Right now my friends Nudge and Ella are trying to get me to go on a date with someone. I'm trying to refuse but as you read up there I just caved.

"Fine." They squealed and started bouncing around. "But I get to dress myself." At that they looked kind of sad. Nudge nodded but got a look on her face again. Oh shit. She whispered something to Ella and she smiled, nodding her head vigorously.

Scared I got up to run but I was too late. They had caught me by both arms and held me down while Ella got some rope and they tied me to a chair. To make sure it was secure Nudge grabbed the duct tape off my dresser and warped me in that to.

"Wait I said I'm dressing myself! Ow! What was that?" I screamed as Nudge poked me with a pencil.

"Were not dressing you. We are putting make up on you, and the last time I checked make up wasn't clothes." Ella stated like she was albert Einstein. Smart ass. After 10 minutes of struggling I found I couldn't do anything.

I fell asleep and woke up in an hour. Without looking in the mirror I took all the tape and rope off me seeing as Nudge and Ella had disappeared. I walked over to my bed and saw a note lying on my pillow. Opening I read what it said and saw it was from Nudge and Ella.

_Hey Max! Well we figured out you went to sleep when we saw drool coming out of your mouth__. (We wiped it off for you.) Anyway Ella and I had t__o be somewhere but meet this dude at Sharman altra food. _**(A/N I made this up.) **_ It's by the McDonalds on street a. so yeah. And don't be late! Oh and he's the one with the s__trawberry blonde hair. Let__ me tell you this now it was all __fangs'__ idea._

_Love Ella and Nudge._

Alright now I know where to meet this guy whom I've never even met and was supposedly going on a date with. My date is at 1:45 and its 1:20. Might as well get dressed. I looked threw my closet, settling on a blue tank that said _young wild __and free_ in bold black letters, Black skinny jeans and black high tops. I decided to wear some jewellery.

I wore a spiked black bracelet, a rocker wing earring and I put on my black sunglasses.

Still not bothering to look in the mirror I grabbed my wallet and my iPhone, walking out of my apartment. I walked down to the parking garage and looked for my bike. No not that kind of bike I mean like the Ducati 848 evo motorcycle. **(A/N this is my favourite motorcycle. I love them) **I grabbed my helmet and hoped on, turning on the engine and speeding out of the garage.

**The TV…I guess third person**

"Up next is maximum ride. Now who and why did you guys put her on MTV's disaster date?" asked the host. The camera pointed to three people standing off to the side. There were two girls and one boy all looking excited. Well except the boy. The two girls were smiling so big there faces started to hurt. The mocha skinned girl spoke up first.

"Well this wasn't our idea it was fangs! We just went along to get back at her for throwing out all of our makeup and irons! I mean who does that? It so wasn't okay! I wonder what would hap-." The mocha skinned girl, Nudge, Was cut off by The Hispanic girl, Ella, putting her hand on her mouth.

"Sorry about that she talks a lot. Anyway yeah it was originally his idea, but we tagged along as revenge." She said. The boy, Fang was still off to the side not saying a word.

"Alright well here she comes now on a…Motorcycle? Wow I wonder how this is going to go. Now Max hates it when guys are

Sexist pig

Think all girls are easy

Overly hyper."

"Hey guys I'm James and I'm playing as a sexist, overly loud guy who takes all girls for granted. Let's just hope I don't get hurt."

**Max's p.o.v again.**

I drove up to the place and parked. Taking off my helmet I walked to the entrance and looked inside. I immediately spotted a strawberry blonde head. I walked over there and as I was close to the table the guy looked up and saw me. He smiled and got up, walking over to me. My first thought was oh my ass wipe he was tall. I'm 5'7 and he still towered over me. He moved the chair out for me and motioned for me to sit.

I sat down and put my helmet on the ground. He sat back on the other side and folded his hands on the table, staring at me with a smile on his face.

After about three minutes of him just staring at me I started getting creeped me out. I shook my hand in front of his face snapping him out of whatever he was in, and put his hand out for me to shake.

"I'm James but you can call me Iggy. You must be Max." I went to shake his hand but when I was about to touch it he dipped his hand and stuck his finger at me.

I stared at his finger, and then I bent it backwards, causing him to squeal like a little girl and cower back. I smirked and leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms. It was only two minutes in and this guy was already pissing me off.

He got back up and smiled at me again. "It's alright Maxie poo I know you didn't mean that. Now what is your favourite food?" he said. Oh fuck no I'm going to murder this guy by the end of this date.

"First of all don't ever call me that again if you want to be able to produce babies and second… I guess bacon." I said.

He tusked and pointed at me. "Now I'm going to call you whatever I want to. And honey I think you need to lay off the bacon you're a little…well a lot on the fat side." I gawked at him. Did he really just say that?

Hell no, no body says that and gets away with it. I got up from the table and walked over to him. Standing behind his chair I grabbed it and flipped him onto the floor.

I stepped on his stomach and sat back down in my chair. How does this guy even get a girlfriend? Then I heard laughing, first it was a little quiet then it started to louder. I looked down to see Iggy on the floor, rolling around laughing; He had tears streaming down his face and was kicking his legs around in the air. O mi god I'm going to die.

Everyone in the restaurant was looking at us and shook their head. I laughed nervously and kicked Iggy.

"Get up people are looking at you weird." I whisper/ yelled. Iggy stopped laughing and looked at me. He got up and sat at in his seat right when the waiter came.

"Hello I'll be your waiter tonight would you guys like anything to eat." The waiter said. It was a man in his mid-twenties with brown hair and eyes. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"No Shit that why were in a restaurant dummy. Anyway I'll have the whole fish but make sure it's cooked to perfection and can you boil it. But when it's being boiled make sure to have all the steam stuck I there so it can give me more nutrition." Iggy said. The guy tried his best to right that down but Iggy was talking so fast. He turned to me with a pleading look in his eyes and a face that said _please order something simple_.

"I'll just have the tuna salad and ribs." I said. Don't call me fat I hadn't eaten anything all day so I'm really hungry. He nodded and left leaving Iggy and I to sit there in an awkward silence.

"Hey I'm sorry for earlier. I get a little…cray-cray when I'm excited." Iggy said, letting his head hang low. Aw now I kind of feel guilty. Wait…

"What the hell is cray-cray?" I Asked. Who the hell says cray-cray? This guy is insane. I'm going to kill Fang.

"Well Maxi waxy that means crazy! You should know these things being a girl and all." Well that was sexist.

Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I have to know everything every other girl knows. Right when I was about to tell him off when he just started to sing.

The worst thing was that he was singing pound the alarm and was trying to imitate Niki Minaj. He was almost on the second verse when a blonde kid with the words _bite__ me _were shaved in his blonde hair and blue eyes walked in.

"Gazzy my man! Come sit over here!" Iggy motioned the blonde kid to come over. He walked over and did that dumb man hug thing and took the third seat next to me.

"What are you doing here? This is my date Max, Max this is Gazzy. Yawl's going to get together so well." Iggy said in a southern accent. Ok I have to admit it was pretty funny. But I won't laugh because we are supposed to be on a date and he lets his friend sit with us.

I looked at him and nodded my head while he smiled and gave me a hug. I just stiffly stayed still while he hugged me. Iggy squealed and clapped his hands. Gazzy let go and sat back in his seat. I looked at Iggy weirdly and stood up.

"Imma go to the bathroom." I said. They nodded and started to talk but I didn't bother to listen. I actually didn't have to use the bathroom I just needed to get away from them. When I was rounding the corner I heard Gazzy say my name.

"That Max chick is hot. Where'd you find her?" I heard Gazzy ask. I could tell Iggy smirked at that.

"We were set on a blind date. But after this I'm going to take her home and have a little fun. Then I'll dump her. It shouldn't really be hard, all girls are easy." He said. That son of a fucking prostitute! I'm going to shoot the mother fucker. I looked to the side and saw the waiter walking out with our food.

But I'm so hungry! I guess I'll kill him after I eat. I walked back with a smile on my face and sat back in my seat. The waiter put the food in front of us and I dug in. Earlier Gazzy said he had to leave so once again it left me and Iggy alone. Iggy looked at me with disgust and wrinkled his nose.

"Girl you eat like a truck driver." He said. I looked up at him with my mouth full of rib and spit it all in his face.

This guy is terrible. "Now listen here girly. I'm the man in this date and you will not disrespect me like that. You will listen to me and be a good little girl or you aint getting any of this, okay?" He said gesturing to his balls. That's it this fucking guy is getting on my last fucking nerve.

I stood up and looked him straight in the eye jabbing my finger into his chest. "Listen Iggy. I am done with your bull shit. You are a sexist, overly hyper bastard. You can go die in a whole and I won't give a single fuck. So you can take all you're shitty comments and shove them up your ass!" I yelled. He looked pretty scared. I grabbed my plate and flew all my food at him, also pouring my water on him as well.

I turned around, grabbing my helmet and began walking out of the restaurant. As I was nearing the door I heard someone fall on the ground and start to wheeze. I turned around and saw people crowding around Iggy. The waiter squatted next to him and asked him something, which Iggy replied to by pointing to the tuna on his lip. The waiter turned around and saw me leaving.

"Mam your boyfriend is allergic to tuna, aren't you going to help?" He said with alarm in his voice.

"Nope" I said, popping the 'p'. I turned and walked out the restaurant. "Wait max!" I heard behind me. I turned around to see Iggy with a huge smile on his face walking towards me and NOT ON THE GROUND DYING! What the hell is going on?!

"I'm not sorry I was a jerk to you because I'm an actor, there all actors and you're on MTV's disaster date!" he said. I stood there in shock as the camera men came out with Ella, nudge and fang trailing behind. Ella and nudge came and hugged me while fang stayed in the back smirking.

"Since you lasted for 59 minutes you get 59 dollars." Iggy said handing me my money. I smiled and then walked over to fang.

"Fang?" I asked with an innocent face. He looked at me and cocked his head to the side. "Yes?" He said with innocence in his voice.

"You're an ass!" I said. Then I did the only thing that you do when someone sets you on disaster date.

I kicked him in the balls and walked away.


	2. Question!

**Ok so there was most likely one person who read this but who wants me to do another one? And which character? If yo is confused I mean another dat thingy. So…yeah. Should i?**

**Pablo: No. It wasn't funny last time.**

**Me: Pablo why you being so mean?**

**Pablo: I'm being honest!**

**Me: Yeah I know it sucked but don't have to tell me! Jeez Louise.**

**Pablo: You've been saying that all day. What about Jeez a Steve?**

**Me: Cause, remember Steve? My yellow bunny? Remember how he died? **

**Pablo: I'm so sorry but it's not his fault I get all the ladies!**

**Me: Yeah then you boring them to chilies, eat beans, and kill them by farting so badly. **

**Kevin: Yeah Pablo you fart when you sleep. It smells horrible. And we live in the north shore with the beaches and fish smell yet you smell worse!**

**Me: Kevin!**

**Pablo: Kevin go away no one said you're in this argument! And Danielle you be looking like a carrot with that orange shirt girl!**

**Me: I'm wearing a black tank top….**

**Pablo: Pasha Watevs. **

**Me: Whatever! It's whatever! Say it all the way!**


	3. buh!

Yeah, it's been a ride  
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one  
Now some of you, might still be in that place  
If you're trying to get out, just follow me  
I'll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em  
But you won't take the sting out these words before I say 'em  
Cause ain't no way I'ma let you stop me from causing mayhem  
When I say I'ma do something I do it,  
I don't give a damn what you think,  
I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world  
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if it thinks it's stopping me  
I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly  
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony  
No ifs, ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he  
From "Infinite" down to the last "Relapse" album  
He's still shitting, whether he's on salary paid hourly  
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him  
Whichever comes first, for better or worse  
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas  
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he's got the urge  
To pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe

**My final goodbye. Yeah I know I told VampiresExplodeInLight I would most likely finish this but… My life isn't all gumdrops right now. Yeah I can get through, pretty easy actually, I'm not that affected but apparently no matter how horrible I am at doing it, I have to comfort everyone else. As for the lyrics I love Eminem, In fact I idolize him for reasons I'm not allowed to talk about but I just decided to put that up. **

**If anyone wants to adopt it, just let me know and I'll look over your stories, and then announce who is going to be having my child. Ha-ha jk that was really dumb. But yeah so I'll be doing my thing, embracing the weirdness, doing a bad job at making people feel happy. But I have to give you guys something. I'm going to play this….game. I'll give you a clue as to who I'll be…on my profile it'll say…..Pickles in a can. Not on this one though. Just watch out. Alright then…..BYE! forever….Well unless you figure out who I am.**


End file.
